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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Why do people lose interest?

29th January 2011

Mood: Sick & tired

An interesting topic to share. I still remember, several years ago, a friend of mine introduce me a book called " Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". A great and interesting book from John Gray. Once he says that "To be successful in relationships, we must understand the different seasons of love. We must not expect our partners to always feel the same degree of love as we feel. We must learn to love our partners through "thick and thin."

Why do people lose interest?

Doesn't seem to understand....something is getting complicated...why do people lost interest in someone they supposedly love, after awhile? It's very clear that in every first stage of relationship, you may have an awesome conversation with him/her, and you do everything that they want you to do for them. Love at first stage is just as simple as math calculation - 1+1=2. At the same time, you take her out to fantastic dating, giving compliments and you practice impeccable manners such as: listen to her/him, returning calls, and even calling her/him every day to convey and let her/him know how much you enjoy having her/him in your life... however, out of sudden, one of you might lose interest and began to think, is he/she the one for me? Why are relationships so difficult? Men and women are obviously very different in the ways they think, respond and behave. (yea, i agree, women are a bit emotional sometimes, without any reason!) Hence, we need to understand both women and men, on the reason why they lost interest!!

Why Do Women Lost Interest?

Some women are tend to lost interest in men/their bf at the first stage. For a guy, they might think, women will "attached" to them forever, unless she catches you in bed with another person, the woman's high interest level does not drop like a rock, it drops like you "jumping from 18th floor"! No, for me like jumping out from an aeroplane!!

Men can be boring sometimes, but they are not dumb. They can sense a problem or something wrong. Unless, they pretending dumb or avoiding the problem. Whenever a man senses any inconsistencies in the woman's behaviour, it is like an alarm to tell them that something is wrong. Basically, he himself can sense the woman's feeling isn't as great as it once was.  This is a very good and clear signal a woman send to a man, telling him that she's losing interest level in him. She starts to stop complimenting what you say or feel annoying when listening to grandmother story!

A woman start to lost interest, when she began to have more understanding of the guy. Boring might be the top reason. Boring dates feel like a torture, and no one is interested in going into one or sticking around when they realize that they have to push the conversation to simply fill the time. Thus, follow with disagreement and lack of caring and trust. This will cause her start to wonder whether the guy beside her will meet up with her basic need for safety and security. Boring - Always say yes to whatever she asks – sooner or later, she will get sick of you!! Repeating the same idea, same topic, same conversation! And avoid boring topics!! I understand that the languages that men and women use is same but always convey the different and confusing meanings. Make it simple and always remember, "Keeping the magic of love alive"!

Mutual respects play an important role here. In a relationship, there is always this sort of give and take. And there are always areas where two people agree, areas where two people disagree. Just because one person in a relationship does not agree with the other person, the interest level will start to drop. Here, one of them or even both of them might have a feeling that they have different point of view, different interest, and start to feel difficult to communicate. Some women might thought it is better to look for someone who is more in line with you rather than change yourself or demand they change. After all, would you want someone who is bending just to suit you? People are pretty much sure the way they are. Hence, it is better to accept them than to change them or change yourself. 

Lack of caring and trust, this is the most important issue! John Gray once mentions -  "Women complain that men don't listen but are just looking to provide solutions." For women, sharing problems with others is a sign of trust. They only openly share their feeling with someone they truly trust. Some women chose to keep within themselves is a signal of insecurity. What men need to understand is that, women talk about problems to you just want to be understood. But for guy, they feel that they are being held responsible. This is so wrong! And remember not Cheating! This is a serious issue. Women want someone to care! No matter how independent, how strong they are, they are women!. They need to receive care, understanding, respect, validation and reassurance. Remember, women need to feel loved and cherished. 

Last but not least, broken promise - Don't promise women something when you don't plan on keeping it...once i remember the quote i read somewhere, stated that "women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember."
How about men then....

Why Do Men Lost Interest?

For guys, i think most guys they love challenges, they love unpredictability and that’s what you give them when they are chasing you, but once the relationship blossom, they could get a bit laid back and boring due to several reasons - understanding, behavior problems, and arguments. After all, guy may have some similarity with women needs.

Women always says "men are natural hunters, for a guy chasing after a lady, the harder she is to get, the more he wants to conquer her. Once he gets her, he will be more relax then..."! Guys like a little mystery. Guys like to chase. Hence, guys will lose interest because the love interest is too available. (like you are always there when he calls, everything agree to what he said...etc)

Men do need understanding. The more he understand her, the more he know the imperfection side of her. Some men are just can't accept the ugly side of her gf. They tend to keep it with themselves, and finally lost interest to her. Same goes to women, it is better to accept them rather to change them or change yourself. We need to accept that our partners aren't perfect. "Advise" is the only things we can do!

Behavior problem. Men doesn't understand what women need sometimes, such as behavior change. Women complain that men don't listen. Women, as we always says "emotional creatures" we are. Women are emotional but not aggresive. Men need to understand why this happen. In a study by Cahell, the front part of the brain, which controls emotions, is bigger in women than in men when compared with the size of the amygdala, where experiences get their emotional charge. Men and women think differently. For men, when they face any issues or stress, they will go into their own caves and solves it. They become more focused and withdrawn. However for some women, they more overwhelmed and emotionally involved. Hence, communication play an important role here. They need to talk. Or else, men will start to avoid seeing the emotional creatures without knowing the reason and start to lost interest with her. 

Argument - Is Fighting Always a Bad Thing? It's can be both, good and bad. However, too much conflicts can be unattractive and dangerous. Relationship sometimes can be simple, but sometimes can be complicated. Guys will lose interest when women are too needy. Men are like rubber band. They can get very close to women, and then pull away. When a man is pulling away, it means he should be left alone.He doesn't like women to stick around him for 24 hours. Do not push him or force him too much, give him a break!! Same as women, men do argue sometimes. But remember, anger and disappointment need to be expressed in a loving way. Do notice that conflict can become the  back doorway to more intimacy in some areas such as emotional, sexual, spiritual, and intellectual too. 

No matter how smart a person is, he or she can be fail in a relationship. Past relationship can be a good experience for them. Not a failure, rather treat it as a lesson to build a better relationship. But if he/she never still repeating the chapters, the ending will never change.

*Credits to John Gray*


Advise for everyone and myself - 

"Don’t look for things elsewhere, when everything you want is right in front of your eyes. I know you probably miss the excitement in your relationship but that just means you have to do something about it. If you miss what you guys use to do, then make a attempt to try to fix it.. Keep what you have, because you will most likely regret if you choose not to.." (via chrisnguyennn)

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